Related Links Go to Page Two of Lance's Q&A Responses Go to Page Three of Lance's Q&A Responses Return to Q&A Responses Index Read Lance's Memories: "Invocation and      Introduction" "At First Sight" "That Day" "The Secret Smile and      Everlasting Embrace" "Raychel Taurus Rising" "Acquiescence" "The Broken Point" "My Last Selfish Act" Ask Lance a Question Lance's Responses to The 10 Questions

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Note:  All questions posted on this page are posted in chronological order by the date they were received. 

Question 1 - March 9, 2001 -  Scopy from FL asked, "How did your wife die?  When?  Where?  and How?"

Response 1:  While I understand that Raychel's unsolved murder holds a certain degree of morbid fascination for true-crime enthusiasts and the generally curious, I admit I was a bit surprised that the first question I received on this memorial site to Raychel's life was about Raychel's death.  To put my response to your question as succinctly as possible, Raychel was stabbed to death at Kyle McAllister's apartment at approximately 11:00 PM on August 17, 2000.  For all the grizzly details about the crime, you are welcome to purvey "That Day" from the Memories section.

Question 2 - March 11, 2001 - Marie from Houston, TX asked, "I'm wondering if you were married to Raychel how come she was living with another guy?  How come people always wait until after someone has passed to realize how much they mean to our lives, and we tend to blame other people for their deaths?  You have to look at it this way, from what I have read she was never happy with herself, at least she is in a better place where there is no sadness or hunger or pain."

Response 2: That is a very straightforward question, and deserving of an equally straightforward response.  Unfortunately, I’m unable to provide one.  But I can draw together a few points about my marriage to Raychel.

First, Raychel began living (for lack of a better term) with Kyle McAllister when he kidnapped her during a Bleeders meeting in March of 1999.  For extended details, please see Laura Douglass’ article “Kyle Crystallized” in the Memories section.  When she returned to us three months later at The Bleeders, she was changed.  Despite the numerous problems that developed in their relationship, she never returned to me.  I did tell her that I still loved her, but she told me in no uncertain terms that we were through.  That is a large part of the reason why I blame Kyle McAllister for Raychel’s death.  I am not blaming him because he is convenient.  He was an active participant in the destruction of our marriage, and by doing so put her in harm’s way.  Perhaps I have not discussed this enough, so I blame myself for this misunderstanding.

"Despite the abrupt ending at Kyle McAllister’s hand, I never broke my marital vows to Raychel."

I would like to make another small point about our marriage.  Despite the abrupt ending at Kyle McAllister’s hand, I never broke my marital vows to Raychel.  I couldn’t do that because we were never divorced, and breaking those vows would be wrong.

Finally, as I stated in “At First Sight”, Raychel was a free spirit.  That freedom, which was part of what made her so special, came at a price for me.  Raychel’s love burned brightly and then not at all.  That is not meant to sound mean.  It is regretful.  By marrying her, I constrained that freedom which was so important to her, and by doing so drove her away from me.  So, in my own way, maybe I agree with you.  I didn’t realize what she meant to me.  Otherwise I would not have tried to tie her down by marrying her.  But I did know that she was special and I have never stopped loving her.  That was why I built this web site, to bring her back.  To let her live here.  I hope that Raychel can feel the emotions that her friends will bring to her memorial.  Feeling that love would mean that Raychel is in a better place.

Question 3 - March 21, 2001 - Julie from IL asked, "What was the status of your relationship between you meeting Raychel and her horrible death?  When did you begin living with each other and when were you married?  It seems that she wanted to be with whoever or be free to be wherever...whatever she wanted at the time, not settled down married.  It didn't seem that she had a deep love for you the way you felt about her.  She seemed trapped with men whom she would not have more than a night with or maybe she might have a date with once in a while.  Maybe Kyle was an escape from your clinging to her for something she could not ever give you...her undying love for you only.  I am sure she had great feelings for you but maybe more of guilt that she made you feel this way and would like to make you happy in some way.  When were you married?  Who asked whom?  (Did you) live together?"

Response 3: To respond to your questions as succinctly as possible, Raychel and I began our relationship on August 30, 1997 (which was also when we began living together).  The details regarding the beginning of our relationship are found in “At First Sight” in the Memories section.

I apologize for not having stated this more directly in the past, but Raychel and I were married at a very small ceremony in February of 1998.  In response to your follow-up question, I admit that I asked Raychel to marry me.  Although your question belies your skepticism of our relationship I would like to point out that I did not drag her down the aisle.  Raychel married me willingly and Raychel never wavered from me until the appearance of Kyle McAllister among The Bleeders in November of that year.  I will reserve further comment regarding your analysis of my marriage to Raychel for an article in the near future.

Question 4 - March 21, 2001 - Diane in Ronkonkoma, NY asked, "How do I find out how she was murdered and the list of suspects?"

"However, I can nominate the following people who I feel are more responsible, either directly or indirectly, with her murder."

Response 4: If you are looking for the gratuitous details regarding Raychel’s murder, you may find them in “That Day” in the Memories section of the web site.

The “list of suspects” which you requested is a more complex answer.  As I am not an official investigator of Raychel’s murder, I am not privy to the same details the police are.  However, I can nominate the following people who I feel are more responsible, either directly or indirectly, with her murder.  As a note, all of these individuals were people who surrounded Raychel during the end of her life, when she moved away from writing poetry with The Bleeders to writing lyrics for Kyle McAllister and the people at Terror Trax (the record label):

Kyle McAllister was a musician and a member of The Bleeders who carried Raychel’s poetry from The Bleeders to Terror Trax.  Laura Douglass has provided an in-depth analysis of him in her first two entries in the Memories section, “Kyle vs. The World” and “Kyle Crystallized.”  Further comment only belabors the obvious.

Ken Kincaid was the CEO of Terror Trax, which signed Raychel and Kyle to a recording contract.  Ken recently sold the company, but has retained his operational status with Terror Trax.  To my knowledge, he was devoted to making Raychel a star.  Apparently he saw in Raychel what Kyle did.  I may approach him in the future about contributing to the site, but I do not trust him.

Geoffrey MacIntyre produced the recording sessions for Raychel.  I understand, from other sources, that MacIntyre and McAllister did not agree about the direction the recording was going.  That led to a number of conflicts between the two, which slowed down production and left Raychel to mediate between the two.  Any further involvement between the three would be speculation at this point.

Finally, I always wondered what Raychel’s bodyguard, Sharon Wolfe, was doing while her client was being beaten and murdered.  While I am suspicious of that aspect of her role in the murder, I do not believe that she was directly involved.  In my experiences with Sharon, she seemed concerned with little else beyond Raychel’s safety.  I hope that, if Laura is able to convince her to contribute to the web site, Sharon will address this incongruity.  

Question 5 - April 2, 2001 - Julie from IL asked, "Did all the attention Raychel received ever seem to bother Laura?"

Response 5: You should ask Laura for certain, but I never thought Raychel’s high standing among The Bleeders was a distraction for Laura.  As the owner of the home of The Bleeders, it would be impossible to deny Laura’s significance to the group (although her artistic contributions were easier to overlook).

Question 6 - April 2, 2001 - Julie from IL asked, "Did Laura Douglass ever have any intimate relationships herself, that you know of, besides keeping track of Raychel?"

Response 6: While Laura was very close to us during my marriage with Raychel, I was not privy to her intimate relationships.  I know she had her share of flings among friends, but to my knowledge she never had any serious or deep relationships.  By the way, while I am amused by the stalker inference, I would like to point out that I never thought of Laura as such.  Anyway, keeping track of Raychel became Sharon’s duty and no one else’s.

"I searched everywhere I could think of for her.  I even broke into McAllister’s apartment looking for her (to no avail)."

Question 7 - April 2, 2001 - Julie from IL asked, "Did you ever wonder where Raychel was and search for her, just so you would know where she was?"

Response 7: I searched constantly for both Raychel and McAllister while she was kidnapped.  I searched everywhere I could think of for her.  I even broke into McAllister’s apartment looking for her (to no avail).  Laura even contacted Raychel’s family in the event that she tried to contact them.  I had also enlisted the help of the police by filing a missing persons report.  However, all of these efforts were fruitless.  But I never gave up searching until they turned up at that Bleeders meeting.

Question 8 - April 2, 2001 - Julie from IL asked, "Do you know if/when Kyle kidnapped her, did he harm Raychel in ANY physical way or blackmail her in some way?"

Response 8: I don’t know anything about what happened between the two of them during those three months.  I can tell you that when they came back, she looked unharmed.  Actually, I’m ashamed to admit it but she looked happy.   Raychel refused to tell me any details of her experience with McAllister.  I don’t expect we will ever truly know what happened, or why she changed.  

Question 9 - April 10, 2001 - Julie from IL asked, "I know this is rough, but have the police made either you or Laura a suspect?"

Response 9: I would think the police would be negligent in their duties if they had allowed me to escape suspicion.  As I mentioned briefly in “That Day,” I was questioned by the police early in the investigation.  Despite the fact that I do not have a verifiable alibi to account for my whereabouts at the time of Raychel’s murder, I have not been further contacted by the police regarding her murder investigation.

I would be hesitant to speak on Laura’s behalf regarding her dealings with the police.  While I know that she has had conversations with them on a number of recent occasions, we do not talk about the subject matter.  I have made previous attempts to discuss it, but she becomes upset easily.  

Question 10 - April 10, 2001 - Julie from IL asked, "You mentioned drinking before.  Is this an occasional thing or are you an alcoholic?  Does Raychel or any of the people you mentioned (Laura, Kyle, Ken, etc.) have any drinking or substance abuse problems?  By asking you or Laura questions since you are the only two available for questioning, are you likely to turn us in the wrong direction?"

Response 10: When I started this site, I said that I wanted to let Raychel live again, showing her boldest passions and her most critical faults.  Because of that, I feel compelled to answer your questions as truthfully as possible.  I take my mission in this endeavor very seriously.  While I cannot speak for Laura or anyone else you may otherwise address at this site, I will do my best to only give truthful answers to questions asked of me.  I do not think less of you for asking me if I would lie.  Your response is that of a modern-day realist, so I commend you. 

Therefore, while I have tried to subtly write around it, please know that Raychel had serious substance abuse problems with both cocaine and heroin.  She referred to them colloquially as fire and ice.  I have been withholding much of her poetry because of this omission (Only her poem Skin gives a clue to her addiction).  It was my intention to withhold this information for a later date, but intentions are only that.  I cannot protect Raychel’s memory by denying the truth.  That would be wrong. 

While on the subject of substance abuse and the truth, I would like to point out that I doubt you will receive straightforward responses from anyone about their own usage.  While I can cleanly deny that I am an alcoholic or junkie (despite often drinking while writing), I doubt others will be so quick to confirm or deny their own personal demons.  I, for one, will not use this site to attack Raychel’s acquaintances for one simple reason:  I need them to contribute to this site.  If I write negatively about other contributors, they are less likely to donate material.  Building this memorial is my primary goal.  I am sorry if others are not as open about their personal issues, but I will not assist in the “outing” of their personal faults.  

"Her work was so intensely biographical that anyone who attended a meeting knew the basics and then some about Raychel even if they never spoke with her directly."

Question 11 - June 1, 2001 - Dave Gonzales from Belleville, NJ asked, "How many people were in The Bleeders and did they all know Raychel?"

Response 11: The exact number of members in The Bleeders is anybody’s guess due to the method of membership.  Members were not required to pay dues.  Members did not vote on issues of importance to the group.  Members were only asked to come to weekly meetings at Safehaven when they felt like it.  If the member felt uninspired or had something better to do (although I don’t know what that would have been), no one was going to call to harass the member to see why he or she didn’t come.  That being said, it is safe to say that we did have a group of about thirty members who would have attended a meeting the day after the Apocalypse.  Past those hardcore members, time and word of mouth had worked well together to ensure that we never had a meeting of less than 100 people (forgiving the time when Raychel was kidnapped).  The loose structure of the group, though, makes a true accounting of members extremely difficult, if not entirely impossible.

As for the second part of your question, I don’t believe you could call yourself a member of The Bleeders without knowing about Raychel.  She read her poetry almost every week.  Her work was so intensely biographical that anyone who attended a meeting knew the basics and then some about Raychel even if they never spoke with her directly.  In other words, they knew who she was, but I doubt many really knew her the way Laura and I did.  

Question 12 - June 10, 2001 - Carly Everett from Westminster, MD asked, "What was McAllister's relationship like with Raychel? Friendly? Was he pushy? Did she want to be a star?"

Response 12: Kyle McAllister was a forceful presence in Raychel’s life. He was domineering and violent. Personally, I do not believe that he loved Raychel, because I do not believe that Kyle is capable of love. So why were they together? What was McAllister’s angle with Raychel? I believe he wanted to utilize her talent to become a star himself. McAllister will take any path to fame, and riding someone else’s coattails to achieve it is well within his ethical boundaries.

So in response to your final question, I do not know if Raychel wanted to become a star, but I know that McAllister did.

Question 13 - June 10, 2001 - Carly Everett from Westminster, MD asked, "Why did you keep your marriage to Raychel a secret? Did it have anything to do with her career?"

Response 13: As I stated in "The Secret Smile and Everlasting Embrace" in the Memories section, I accepted it as the only condition that Raychel placed on our marriage. It had nothing to do with her music career, as she did not have one when we were married.

"I am growing weary of these continuous questions regarding my "marriage" to Raychel Wagner (italics added solely to appease those questioning me about it)."

Question 14 - June 11, 2001 - Lindi Mills from California asked, "On the night of the kidnapping at the bar, what poem was Raychel reading and what was it based upon? Also, when Raychel and Kyle returned after three months you said she seemed happy. Did she still seem as if she was using drugs as well?"

Response 14: I did not recognize anything special in Raychel’s poetry that night which may have set Kyle McAllister off. Perhaps it would be better that you ask him if/when he "honors us with his presence." Also, when Raychel and Kyle returned to The Bleeders, I do not believe that Raychel was using drugs. Perhaps she was using aspirin to cope with those aches and pains caused by living with McAllister, but I cannot confirm that.

Question 15 - June 11, 2001 - Lindi Mills from California asked, "There are questions going around about your relationship with your "wife" Raychel. Can you tell us if you were in fact married by law or if you shared some sort of a personal marriage ceremony? Where were you married? What date were you married on? Who was the person to marry you?"

Response 15: I am growing weary of these continuous questions regarding my "marriage" to Raychel Wagner (italics added solely to appease those questioning me about it). As I stated in "The Secret Smile and Everlasting Embrace" from the Memories section, Raychel and I were married on February 14, 1998 in an intimate ceremony before a Justice of the Peace. I do not recall his name, specifically. We were too happy in our newfound status as newlyweds to retrieve the answers to trivia questions which have become so important to so many people now that Raychel has passed away. I suppose that I have it in my records somewhere, but I would have to get back to you with regard to that.

Question 16 - June 12, 2001 - Lindi Mills from California asked, "Why have you not accepted Ken Kincaid's offer? If Ken is willing to drop the lawsuit only by you allowing others to have free access, what could this hurt? If you do decide to accept this offer, could you share with us the first 5 of Raychel's poems, starting with those written closest to her death?"

Response 16: I did accept Ken Kincaid’s offer. For more information regarding the exchange, please see my article "Acquiescence" in the Memories section. As for the dissemination of Raychel’s poetry, I will decide what is added to the site and when. Since allowing the site to fall into near anarchy, this is the one aspect of the site which I am allowed to tell Raychel’s story as she would have. Please allow me this single, albeit diminished, means of memorializing Raychel.

Question 17 - June 12, 2001 - Christie Tindell from Tennessee asked, "When looking for Raychel after Kyle's abduction you filed a missing person's report. Why did you not file on a kidnapping or an abduction? How did you break into Kyle's house exactly? You stated "(I) broke into Kyle's apartment" and left out the fact that Laura went with you to do so. Why did you fail to mention her assistance? If you are so willingly to exclude her as a sidekick should we believe that you two never team together? Are we left to believe that your relationship is strictly platonic when you are in fact willing to exclude her from any illegal acts? When Raychel’s bodyguard Sharon Wolfe had to use force with you, what were you talking about with Raychel and what did you do to cause Sharon to feel you were a threat?"

Response 17: As a point of clarification, I filed the missing person’s report on Raychel. The police ended their investigation on the missing person’s report the day before Raychel and Kyle came into that Bleeders meeting. Apparently, Raychel just told them that my report was erroneous and that was the end of it.

As for my entry into Kyle’s apartment, I went through the front door. As I’ve mentioned before, my neighborhood contains a number of people who know exactly how to get through a locked door. Divulging more than that would require me to give up my Fifth Amendment right, sorry. As for my failure to mention Laura Douglass’ involvement in my entry into the apartment, consider it chivalry. Well intentioned, idiotic chivalry. My relationship with Laura has been severely strained by her maneuvering to take my own web site out from under me. Laura contacted Ken Kincaid behind my back and supported Ken Kincaid when he threatened to sue me for copyright infringement. So at this time my relationship is not only platonic, it is also hostile.

With regard to Sharon’s use of force on me, I was surprised and remain dumbfounded by her brutality. I admit that I had ambushed Raychel on New Year’s Eve with the hopes of starting the New Year off on better footing with Raychel. We were having a polite discussion when Sharon Wolfe grabbed me, threatened me, and continued to beat me to a pulp until Raychel begged her off of me. I know what Sharon has said with regards to this, but I ask you, "Does might make right?" Can the fact that she bested me in a fight sway you to believe that she must be right about how the fight itself happened? I ask you to please keep an open mind with regard to Sharon Wolfe, if not with regard to me.

"Raychel and Kyle were very physically abusive with one another. So much so that the neighbors had complained to the police numerous times about the disturbances."

Question 18 - June 13, 2001 - Chrisindi Midell from California asked, "Lance, you claim as your alibi that you were home alone writing from 6pm till well after midnight. Can we review what you were in fact writing? On an average how long does it take you to write a story? Did you use a typewriter or computer? How many pages did you actually write on, including the ones you tossed in the trash? Did you receive any phone calls or make any phone calls on that night? Do you perhaps have a neighbor that could verify your lights being on or anyone having seen you? What did you have for dinner than night? Do you recall the time? Was Raychel ever physically beaten during any time that you are allowed to enter into evidence? Why is Kyle McAllister not available for questioning? Finally, I ask from you to provide any information that you have learned from the police about the crime scene and murder itself. I know you have stated most of the information as you knew it in your article "That Day" but I feel you need to clarify this information one more time."

Response 18: Your extremely thorough question regarding my whereabouts on the night of August 17^th deserve better than my response to you. While I could show you pages of written work, there is no proof that it was written that night. I did not receive any phone calls or make any on that night. My neighbors, while they may watch my house to steal my computer, were not able to provide verification of my whereabouts. I can recall that my dinner was rather early (approximately 6:30 p.m.) but that was so I would have more time to drink and write. While I would be pleased to provide evidence which would exclude me as a suspect, I am still found wanting for it.

To my knowledge Raychel and Kyle were very physically abusive with one another. So much so that the neighbors had complained to the police numerous times about the disturbances. However, to my knowledge, no charges have ever been filed against Kyle McAllister. His lack of presence on this web site is partially my responsibility and partially his. Initially I did not want McAllister poisoning this tribute to Raychel by contributing to this site. My responsibility ended once I accepted Ken Kincaid’s offer to allow anyone to post material. Since that time, McAllister has kept his distance, perhaps out of fear.

With regard to my re-stating the series of events from "That Day", I politely refuse. I have already typed that material once, and do not plan to do so again.

Question 19 - June 13, 2001 - Chrisindi Midell from California asked, "Can I please review the police report. I would like any information from the police report."

Response 19: While I am pleased you want to know more about Raychel, this is more than I can bear. I will not see Raychel’s homicide bore out in its grizzliest details for the mere satisfaction of the basest instincts from mankind’s reptilian brains. I will not see this happen. I refuse!

Question 20 - June 17, 2001 - Vicky Hicks from Mt. Airy, NC asked, “Have you and Mr. McAllister ever had any confrontations about your suspicion of him being a part of your wife's murder?”

Response 20: While I have not directly imparted to him my theory about his involvement, Kyle McAllister and I have had confrontations since Raychel’s murder. Our most heated exchange came during Raychel’s funeral, which I will discuss further at a future time. Perhaps I will write about it after Kyle McAllister enters the site. I would like to see his public reaction to the truth of what has transpired between us during that encounter.

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