I fire
down three shots in rapid succession to Raychel's memory and begin
writing with a happy heart.
I write this
week's article with deep gratitude for several reasons. The main
reason, however, is that I am exceedingly pleased that this past week is
over. By writing this article I am in a sense closing the book on
one of the most demoralizing sequences in my life. Perhaps the
only week that was worse was the one immediately after Raychel's
murder. But this week comes with a light at the end of the tunnel.
Two weeks
ago I posted and read Ken Kincaid's article
"Unfinished
Business" containing his
offer
to allow me complete and un-litigated first-publication rights and
access to Raychel's entire library of poetry and lyrics in exchange for
complete and unlimited access for anyone who knew Raychel to post their
feelings on this very site. I did not originally intend to respond
to Mr. Kincaid's offer through the site, as I did not -- and still do
not -- feel that this is the appropriate arena.
However,
Laura Douglass' impassioned plea for me to accept Mr. Kincaid's offer in
last week's
"On A Grand Opening"
left me with no choice but to respond on the web site. Her request
for all readers of her article to e-mail me and demand that I accept the
offer did not fall on deaf ears. Quite the opposite, as I have
been inundated with e-mail insisting exactly that.
That is how
my demoralization during this week occurred. After all of my
efforts to establish and maintain this site as a living memorial to
Raychel, I received nothing this week through the site but an extensive
parade of e-mail condemning me for withholding information on the
site. I sometimes wonder if there is anyone out there who truly
understands what I have been through, and what I am trying to work
through.
|
"While
I agree with her that Kyle McAllister is at least tangentially
responsible for Raychel's death, I did not wish to see the site
denigrate to unsubstantiated rumors and innuendoes regarding
Raychel's murder." |
I created
this site. My sole reason for doing so was to allow visitors the
opportunity to know Raychel as I did: as a fierce and passionate poet
who wasn't afraid to confront the truth. In an effort to gain
additional perspective, I decided to allow others to contribute to this
site. My intention was to have others provide "slice of
life" stories of their interactions with Raychel. My first
selection for an additional contributor was Raychel's (and at the time
my) best friend, Laura Douglass. Apparently, that was a mistake.
Since her
initial contribution to this site, Laura has done two things to subvert
my intentions for this site.
First,
Laura's initial submissions to this site ("Kyle
vs. The World" and
"Kyle
Crystallized") dealt almost exclusively with Raychel's unsolved
murder and the possibility of Kyle McAllister's involvement in
committing the crime. While I agree with her that Kyle McAllister
is at least tangentially responsible for Raychel's death, I did not wish
to see the site denigrate to unsubstantiated rumors and innuendoes
regarding Raychel's murder. I participated in the discussion of
the crime, but reluctantly and responsibly (see my article
"That
Day"). I expected that I would only be required to
re-visit that part of my life once, and then I would be done with
it. Sadly, that has not been the case. Laura deserves full
credit for that.
Laura's
other subversion of this site has been her behavior with potential
contributors to this site. I made my initial request for material
from David Vanderhoff in February. This was the same time that I
had originally contacted Laura Douglass. Since that time I have
received several submissions from Laura Douglass, but only continued
delays from David Vanderhoff. I can only assume, after
Laura's
admission that she intentionally delayed David's participation on this
site, that Laura contacted David immediately after receiving her own
invitation and asked him to put me on hold. I do not know the
reason for this offensive tactic, but I am disturbed at what this could
mean about Laura as a person.
In addition
to her contact with Raychel's brother, I am also distressed about
Laura's notification of Ken Kincaid regarding this site.
Ken
admitted to receiving a call from Laura in his first article to ask
him to contribute to this site. At the time, I was contemplating
asking him to contribute, but wanted to further establish the nature of
the site before allowing contributors other than Laura and myself.
However, Ken Kincaid sued his way onto the site and has since continued
to threaten legal action (which I cannot afford to defend) to withhold
material crucial to the mission of this site.
Therefore,
as Raychel's poetry is required for me to achieve my original and stated
intention of providing Raychel Wagner with a living memorial, I have no
choice but to accept Ken Kincaid's offer to grant first-publication
rights of Raychel's poetry and song lyrics for use on this web
site. In exchange, I will allow full and open access of this web
site to all acquaintances of Raychel Wagner.
|
"I
have made a deal with the devil, and the devil is due." |
By accepting
this offer, I am taking a short-term loss in favor of a long-term
gain. Having acquiesced my control of this site, I understand that
the nature of it will temporarily evolve. Over the course of this
year, despite the best efforts of others, I have established a memorial
to Raychel for which I am proud. However, I expect that focus (and
the civil tone it carried) will be replaced in the near future. In
its place, the site will devolve into what Laura and Ken want it to
become: a banana republic style "investigation" into Raychel
Wagner's homicide. I only hope that the police will watch
this site, and that a nugget of information they desperately need comes
their way through here.
In time, I
expect that the "investigation" here will either lose steam or
(preferable solution) be rendered moot as the crime is solved by the
police. At that time, I will seek to return the site to its
original state. Until then, I have made a deal with the devil, and
the devil is due.
Since this
is the current state of affairs, I feel the need to commemorate this new
official focus of the site by firing the first shots at other future
"contributors" to this site. Since Laura Douglass
provided a list of people she would like to see be allowed to contribute
to the site, it seems fitting to throw out my own first questions.
|
"Since
Laura Douglass provided a list of people she would like to see be
allowed to contribute to the site, it seems fitting to throw out my
own first questions." |
Sharon
Wolfe - I
understand you will contribute next week's article. Please answer
this question (in addition to
The
10 Questions): Knowing that Raychel and Kyle McAllister had
frequent arguments and occasional physical confrontations, why did you
leave Raychel alone at Kyle's apartment on the night that she was
brutally murdered?
Note:
Please remember to answer in complete subject/predicate sentences as I
understand your physical prowess has come at a tremendous cost to your
communicative skills.
David
Vanderhoff - I
understand from Laura Douglass that the two of you are close. Does
your wife know about Laura?
Sergei
Brosovsky - When
Raychel was recording her album at Terror Trax, Kyle McAllister played
all of the instruments and Geoffrey MacIntyre recorded and produced the
albums. Yet you know about the recording sessions at Terror
Trax? What were you, the janitor?
Anna
Fantiani - Who
are you and what makes you so important that Laura included you on the
list of people who must be allowed to contribute?
Geoffrey
MacIntyre - The Wunderkind
record producer enters the recording studio with Raychel for three
months and only come up with one "finished" song? What
was going on in that studio?
Kyle
McAllister - Why
did you give up trying to move Raychel's body? Did you hear the
police? Also, despite the fact that neighbors hear a loud argument
in the apartment, you couldn't be found for half a day after Raychel's
murder. What were you doing at that time, hiding your bloody
clothes?
Laura
Douglass -
Raychel was a poor woman with an expensive habit. How did she ever
get that way?
Ken
Kincaid - It's
interesting that Terror Trax began to go bankrupt right after you signed
Raychel. You must have been trying to impress someone very
important to miss that little tidbit. Did you at least get to
sleep with the person?
No wonder
Laura and Ken like this style of writing. It's easy and it makes
me feel good. Too bad I won't be doing more of it in the future!
To those of
you who took the time to blindly follow Laura Douglass' wish and berate
me with e-mail: I hope that you show the same fervor to the other
participants on this site when they post their "memories" of Raychel.
Until that time, I don't expect to be contributing more than
introductory paragraphs on the site or providing answers to very
specific questions.
I'll be
watching all the chaos you helped to create.
Good-bye.
Lance
