What was
your New Year's resolution? Do you still remember what it was?
I
remember mine. I take New Year's resolutions very seriously -- as
seriously as Lent. My father taught me that Lent was meant to
permanently purify one thing about yourself. You should choose
something about yourself that you want to change to make yourself a
better person. If you chose to stop smoking for Lent, then you
should learn by the end of the 40 days that you no longer need
cigarettes and never smoke again. There should be no lapse to your
previous, unwanted behavior. New Year's resolutions are the same
for me, but with one minor exception. For a New Year's resolution,
I prefer to choose more long-term goals. A New Year's resolution
should be impossible to accomplish in only 40 days. Otherwise, it
would be a waste of a year's opportunity to better myself.
This year
I resolved to re-build my family. I am not referring to my wife
and children. I mean the family consisting of my parents and
Raychel.
This past
year has been a trying one for me personally. Lance Wagner's
"living memorial" to my sister has managed to open wounds which I
believed were healed; however, I have discovered that they were only
dormant. When Laura Douglass called me to inform me of this site,
I was more than pleased to follow her advice to remain away from the
action. Despite my distance, I remained an interested reader of
Painseeker. What I learned from the site unsettled me.
While both Raychel and I eventually escaped the abuse that haunted our
home, it seems that neither of us successfully confronted it. We
ran from our roots, and by doing each of us lost the only person who
could have helped us understand and come to terms with what happened.
It was
only near the end of her life that Raychel and I began to re-establish
contact with one another after almost 10 years of silence between us.
Our reunion was brief. We spoke a few times, met once, and then
she was gone. Murdered. With her passing, I believed that my
first family had reached its end. My mother passed away in 1991
and my father died prior to Raychel's renewed contact with me in June of
2000. It was not until Lance Wagner began building Painseeker
that I learned that I was not the last representative of my family.
At first
I did not believe Lance's claim to be Raychel's husband. I had a
number of reasons for this belief. First and foremost was the fact
that Raychel did not at any time mention to me that she was married.
Not to Lance Wagner. Not to anyone. That alone was extremely
difficult to overcome.
|
"Laura's continued contact with me poisoned me against Raychel's
other acquaintances. As I learned more about Laura's personal
failings, I began to have my own doubts." |
Second, I
had received extensive contact from Laura Douglass prior to receiving
Lance's call. Laura had portrayed herself convincingly as
Raychel's only real friend in Los Angeles. She went on to provide
less than encouraging portraits of other people in Raychel's life, and
went on extensively about Lance's "delusional" nature. She
preemptively struck against Lance's claim. Laura's continued
contact with me poisoned me against Raychel's other acquaintances.
As I learned more about Laura's personal failings, I began to have my
own doubts. In light of her recent arrest for Raychel's murder,
there can be no remaining doubt that Laura Douglass was a liar.
She may even have known about the marriage and deliberately lied about
it.
My third
reason to resist Lance's claim of marriage was his avoidance of the
issue when confronted. Numerous times he was challenged by
acquaintances and readers alike, and his responses were minimal at best.
He would mildly assert his marital status when confronted directly and
he refused to respond to angry challenges. I assumed that this
meant his claim was groundless; however, when I spoke with him, he
stated that he only wanted to know who his friends and enemies were.
His responses were passive, but they were not without purpose.
My final
-- and most embarrassing -- reason was that I suspected Lance of
Raychel's murder. When given Laura's false profile of Lance, his
incident with Raychel where Sharon Wolfe intervened "on Raychel's
behalf," and his lack of a sufficient alibi, he seemed to make a likely
suspect. For that, I am truly sorry.
When I
read Nick Graves' report
"First
Suspect", I was conflicted. I was so sure that Lance had been
lying about his marriage that I had a friend in Los Angeles pick up a
copy of the license so that I could have a copy of it in my own hands.
Even then, I could not believe that Lance was innocent of Raychel's
murder. Then in early January, when Laura Douglass and Sharon
Wolfe were arrested, I knew that I had been wrong all along.
For not
believing in his marriage, for misreading him entirely, for even
suspecting him of murder, I offer this public and printed apology to my
brother-in-law, Lance Wagner.
|
"I know that he was not the
only person in her life. One could even argue that Lance was
not the most significant person in her life at the time. There
is one thing that does not change: Lance is a member of my
family." |
Two weeks
ago I picked up the phone and called Lance to apologize to him
personally. I found him to be quite different from the person I
had previously believed him to be. We spoke for a few hours that
night, trading stories about Raychel and comparing the Raychel he knew
with the Raychel I knew. It was like having a piece of Raychel
back. I know that he was not the only person in her life.
One could even argue that Lance was not the most significant person in
her life at the time. There is one thing that does not change:
Lance is a member of my family. We share a bond.
As a
member of my family, I will assist Lance in his endeavors. He has
informed me of his book deal to write a book about Raychel's life.
I mentioned to him that if he was to write a book about Raychel, he must
include selections of her poetry. When he re-stated Ken Kincaid's
claim that Raychel's entire library is owned by Cain International, I
told him that I would look into the matter on his behalf. Knowing
Ken Kincaid as I do, I believe that his claim is most likely fraudulent.
If this claim proved false, then -- as Raychel's legal husband -- the
complete library of Raychel's work will revert to Lance, and all
publishing rights for Raychel's work lie with him.
The
previous year has been a difficult one, yet has proved to also be a
rewarding one. I expect this next year will be even more
rewarding. I have resolved myself to it.
